You never stop learning.  Even as adults we are always learning, sometimes we know how to better avoid the snakebites, but sometimes they get us all the same.  Each "bite" includes a lesson..

Sometimes people want your help and sometimes they don't.  Don't get too caught up in other peoples drama, and don't insert yourself where you don't belong.  You can't fix everyone, or everything. Accept that!!  Some people ask for help but don't really want it.  DON'T LET YOURSELF GET CAUGHT UP IN THEIR DRAMA - this has happened to me more than once, and I keep getting bit, haven't learned the lesson yet...  *sigh*

When someone continues to ask your opinion, but doesn't really want it, they will give you signals over and over again that they DON'T want it.  Here's an conversation to give you an example:

I'm going to do this________________, and then I'm going to do this_____________________.  What do you think?

Well, I don't think you should do that and this is why, you are going to get hurt, you're actions are going to hurt someone else, it's dangerous,  and it's a bad idea.

Response, yea..well, I don't know.  

YEA, I DON'T KNOW??? - that is your signal they aren't listening, and don't really want to hear what you have to say.

If you are having conversations like this with anyone, they don't really want your input, your advise, your opinion, period.  They aren't listening to you, and they are probably going to do the exact opposite of what you tell them. They are not looking for advise, they are looking for conversation.  And usually you will find it's a conversation about them, that perpetuates their drama.  If this is frustrating for you, leave the conversation.  If you don't, chances are you are going to get snake bit.  And don't get involved in their stuff.  Don't put yourself in the middle of the action, even if you are just doing your best to help.  This is a very bad idea.  Trust me on this. Your help isn't wanted.  When you keep telling someone something they really don't want to hear, that goes against their wishes (and their actions) they will eventually get tired of hearing it and strike back.  If you drop yourself into the situation, they will strike back.  Whether it's with actions or words, that bite stings.  Usually that bite is that individual's way of saying "I keep asking you the same questions and I'm tired of your answers.  You are not doing what I want you to do.  GET OUT OF MY LIFE!"  

BITE!!!  ouch that stings.  But if you don't listen, and keep going back, you'll get bit again and again until you get it.  No relationship is worth that.  Take the hint and acknowledge it for what it is, and walk away.

One Note:  the bird in the photo above looks innocent, and unknowing of what's to come.  In truth if you are in a potential snake bite situation, you usually know it.  Do yourself a favor and fly away. 
    

As a CASA in Williamson County (Court Appointed Special Advocate)  I am assigned a child by the court to speak for IN court.  My job - (although I'm a volunteer) is Guardian ad Litem -  The function of the GAL is to advocate in Court for abused, neglected and abandoned children who have been declared dependent by the Court, kids that are in the system. I am basically a liaison between this child and everyone else involved, - CPS, all the lawyers, the parents, the judge, and anyone else relevant to that child's case.  

At any given time I'm an investigator, a researcher, a writer (CASAs write and submit reports that become a part of the Court Record), a mediator and a listener, a cheerleader and promoter, a fighter and a defender.  At ALL times, I'm an advocate, with the best interest of that child at the forefront of my work.  It's not always easy, and can be trying, highly emotional, frustrating, exhilarating and debilitating, sometimes all in one day.  While doing this work, I started to  see the connection between being a Guardian ad Litem and a parent and began to apply what I have learned as a GAL to my own parenting.  I began to see myself not only as a parent, but as my own children's ADVOCATE as well...I thought, why don't I share what I've learned with other parents, so here it is...


First and most important: Have a sense of humor!!!!
Sometimes you have to laugh to keep from crying, or screaming, or both.  Humor is an invaluable tool.  
USE IT!


Be the investigator and researcher 

• Expanding out, or the ripple effect: Know your kids by knowing their friends, and their friends parents
  
• If something doesn't sound right, trust your instincts and make the connections, FEELINGS LEAD TO FACTS
  
• Understand their community - from the outside in - again, the ripple effect

Be the mediator and listener

• Do your best to be neutral.  It starts out hard, but gets easier, I promise.
  
• Don't take it personally (See above)
  
• See the whole picture from above (BACK to neutrality) 
  
• See your child as the person they are, the person you have been "assigned" to parent by taking the emotion out of it (yep, back to neutrality) 
  
• Use the information you have available to you to assess each individual situation 

Be their cheerleader and promoter

• When they're experiencing highs, lift them up, be the wind beneath their wings (yea, I said it.)
  
• When they're experiencing lows, be the one that's there to pick them up. Remember that toddler that took a tumble  and needed they're mommy or daddy to pick them up and dust them off, dry their tears and give them a hug?  They're still in there, and they still need you, especially when they say they don't.
• Talk them up in front of them.  You'll get an eye roll, but they hear you, and it matters.  A lot.

Be their fighter and defender

• Ask yourself, "What's worth fighting for?"  You know the answer - whether it's for or against them.
  
• Know when to direct and know when to listen and do them both with love.
  
• Ask the hard questions, and LISTEN to the answers.  Even when you don't like them.  Especially when you don't like them.  That's when it matters most.
  
• When it comes time to fight for them, STAND and DO IT and don't back down.  Let them hear you be their advocate.  It impresses them more than you will ever know.
  

And last, and most important: HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR!!!!
Don't miss out on who your kids are because you're too busy parenting them.

I would like to invite anyone that is interested in learning more about being your own child's advocate to attend Tuesday night's PTA meeting at Pleasant Hill School at 6:30pm.  I'll be speaking about everything listed above and welcome any questions about being a CASA or about being "your own child's advocate".  If you can't make the PTA meeting or don't attend Pleasant Hill - or if you would like for me to speak to your PTA or parenting group please contact me by leaving a comment below, as always, thanks for reading, and remember - you are your OWN child's advocate!

Interested in being a CASA?  Check out the link below for CASA Williamson County:
http://williamsoncountycasa.org/ 

For CASA Travis County:
http://www.casatravis.org/ 


CASA's truly make a difference, one child at a time.
It's the second hardest job I've ever done that I don't get paid for.  The first one is parenting.